The Man Trap

Season One, Episode One of Star Trek OG! I’ve seen every episode multiple times. How will it stack up?

ONE

The Enterprise in orbit. Over, Kirk dictates his log. Mr. Spock temporarily has command as Kirk and Dr. McCoy have beamed down to the planet. Notice the introductory tone and the attention to military detail. We shall ignore the pilot episode with Captain Pike and consider this the very first episode. The show definitely does.

Okay, they’re here for a routine medical examination of an archeologist husband and wife duo. However, Nancy is someone from McCoy’s past. Dunh-dunh! Also, we have a third man, someone wearing a blue shirt, on the away team. First episode, the red shirt curse hasn’t been codified yet. I fear for you, crewman!

Kirk makes a joke about bringing flowers to an old girlfriend. McCoy ribs him back.

Inside, the living quarters are empty. No one’s currently at home. Closeup of the blue shirt looking around!

A history lesson: it’s been ten years since McCoy saw Nancy.

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THE CHAPERONE

ONE

The Krusty Krab. Spongebob is in the kitchen, sniffing patty meat. Mustard check mark — perfect! 

TWO

Crying is heard. Spongebob peeks his head out the order window and then hides. Pearl, tears streaming, runs through the dining area and into the office. Spongebob follows the trail of moisture and listens at the door.

Haha! Mr. Krabs’ voice tells her to calm down and the office door slams to the ground from the tsunami of tears. Spongebob fights the wave to put the door back. A stream of water knocks down the door and ejects Mr. Krabs across the restaurant, tears filling the room. (Yay, finally. Water flooding a building that is already underwater. I’ve been waiting for that reality check!)

THREE

What’s wrong with Pearl? Her scurvy prom date stood her up. 

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Episode 2

ONE

A car with luggage passes a horse-drawn carriage through the village. Ah, the Crawleys, mother and son, are inside. 

TWO

They arrive at Crawley House. Interesting: there’s a house waiting. Feel the weight of the legacy. Matthew wants to turn down the inheritance; his mother makes clear that is a legal impossibility. This is all good storymaking. Characters must accept the thing they want least.

Molesley, butler and valet, greets them. Of course Matthew balks. He’s a middle-class man who doesn’t want to be changed by a title.

THREE

Now we get Cora’s and Robert’s perspective. The former heir, Patrick, was raised to understand his role. Again, reinforcing the fish out of water trope for Matthew. 

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The Fortune-Teller

ONE

Typical One: where is our team camping? We have a lake with fish.

TWO

However, Sokka can catch nothing because Aang has taken the fishing line and used it to weave a necklace for Katara. The lack of line is not the Two; survival is not the point of this episode. It’s the lovey gift, unasked for.

THREE

And here we have a stylized vision of a glowing Katara wearing the necklace. Sokka says, “Smoochy, smoochy,” and Katara says they’re just good friends.  Each of these elements is not the Three (they’re more part of the Trouble). It’s the notion that one of the team cares in a way that isn’t reciprocated.

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SQUIDWARD THE UNFRIENDLY GHOST

ONE

The Easter Island head. Inside, Squidward talks to . . . himself. He’s sculpted a wax replica of himself. It’s disturbing. Haha! Hands on hips, it’s just as judgy as the original.

Crash! Outside Spongebob and Patrick play football with a rock. Nope, not football. It’s an undersea Calvinball with chess and bubble blowing. This could also possibly be the Two.

TWO

Squidward opens his window to yell at them. Once he’s disrupted their game he puts on a record and draws a bath. The clash with Squidward, wherever I draw the line, is the Trouble. The lack of a Three makes this Two hard to tack down.

THREE

(There is no Three.) 

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Cockatrice

Here’s the first hint dropped. On the side of the road is a dead monster. 

We have yet to fight our first cockatrice. Technically I’m not strong enough, although we could scare one up in Bitterblack’s arena. From a story perspective, this is a boss for later.

No one killed it, it was just found there. And it’s still in good shape! The guard will take it to the castle for the duke to see

Stay tuned . . .

More so because I’ve recently been hit with gamer’s thumb on both hands. As I incorporate exercises and alternate controller usage I’ll be easing off on my hardcore gaming. I anticipate taking a break from Dogma.

Episode 1

ONE

As the credits roll we see a wireless transmitting a message intercut with a rolling steam locomotive. Immediately we know we’re in an historical period. Whatever is on this ticker tape, the news shocks the clerk.

The house, the grand Downton estate exterior, is established. April 1912.

Inside, the servants awaken. The staff, a lot of people, bustle throughout the house, lighting fires, opening drapes, preparing trays. Different characters get close-ups, and then here come the keys. It’s Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes, our chiefs of staff. I have no idea, but this seems like a huge house of servants for the early 20th century. The sense that Downton is approaching a milestone is evident before we even hear the plot.

TWO

A bicycle messenger approaches the house, meaning the newspapers have finally arrived. “You’ll see why,” he says. The staff all know what the big news is, but we don’t. 

Lord Grantham and his dog descend for breakfast. Ah, he knows, too. It’s Titanic. Of course. Someone important to the family was onboard.

O’Brien, Her Ladyship’s maid, gossips with staff and lets us in on what’s important: Mr. Crawley’s dead and Mr. Patrick was his only son. They were heir to the title. 

A just-arrived man with a cane is Bates, the new valet. Handshake from maid Anna, stone face from O’Brien (which pretty much tells you what you need to know about each character). Mrs. Hughes wonders how he can manage with his limp. Mr. Carson comes in and smoothes it all, even though he has concerns.

THREE

Grantham again reiterates that his first cousin and the son are dead. Mary, the eldest daughter, will be the most impacted. She was unofficially engaged to Patrick so that the estate could stay in the family, but no romantic feelings were involved.

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The Humiliation of Mercedes

Remember, Mercedes is the lady knight with the French accent who escorted the hydra head to the capital. She’s been hanging around court ever since. Now she needs our help.

Daughter to Hearthstone’s lord (a neighboring country, apparently) she will not be “an idle burden on the duke’s hospitality any longer.” Trouble is afoot and she’s off to investigate. We have no choice but to join her.

When we get to the Stone of the North all of the guards fight between themselves. Sedition! The leader of this rebellion is Lord Julien. He has also been hanging around court, looking all manly, and is the Night’s Champion and spy for Salvation. We saw him with Madeleine at her new shop.

He and Mercedes face off while he deeply insults her with misogynistic taunts. They battle.

Big dude with a mace pounds on little woman with a rapier. I could step in — I have in other playthroughs — and kill him during the duel. Instead I let him attack so I can hear his monologuing. 

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The Blue Spirit

ONE

Fire Nation ships dock at a fortress location.

TWO

It’s Commander Zhao. He’s here for these legendary archers. When he’s denied, a message conveniently arrives that promotes him. What was a request is now an order, and the archers are his.

We see a face, a blue mask, watching this exchange.

THREE

Now we get to our team at camp. Sokka is sick with a fever. His hallucinations are, of course, funny. As we often see in this show, Sokka is the Three. Katara, tending him, starts to cough. Aang needs to find some medicine for both of them now.

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Farewell, Valmiro

He wants to forgo the fishing life to travel the land and study its wonders. This from the fellow who makes it ten feet past the village gate and faints.

We have to provide him with a bunch of difficult to find things: Sour Ambrosial Meat, which apparently is the byproduct of a dangerous ape monster, and a Pilgrim’s Charm for luck, which I buy off of Fournival! Good thing I saved him from a guilty verdict.

Valmiro has so many crates to go in his boat he needs us to help him load.

Do you see Valmiro carrying a crate? No, you don’t.

And then we have an evening drink on the beach by a bonfire. He seems to be comparing his wanderlust with my fate after a giant dragon ripped my heart from my chest and ate it.

I give the silent side-eye.

At sunrise he’s off. We get some rare items, like a hydra’s gallstone, to remember him by. It’s possible we’ll see him again, but only if the game decides we love him best. We have a lot of contenders for that position.