ELAINE BENES, FOUR

Another envy type in the Seinfeld pantheon. Except for Jerry, they’re all Heart Types! Very interesting.

If that’s so, is Elaine’s Enneagram number a Two, Three, or Four?

Not a Three. Heh. Definitely not. She’s a train wreck. No Three would be so incompetent, so constantly humiliated by life.

Not a Two. She’s not charitable enough. Again, it’s quite funny. Like George, she’s locked into a bit of a “worst trait” syndrome in service to the humor.

So, a Four. She does feel the highs and lows. She does have a moderately successful career, but not overwhelmingly so. Her relationship with Jerry is solidly now in the friend zone but it didn’t start that way. It’s interesting and ironic that a Nine (Jerry) seeking a companion would start with the female Four and end up at the male Four (George). It’s very Nine-ish for Jerry to choose the Four with the lesser impact on his own feelings and expression.

The actors have done a good job at differentiating the dueling Fours in the show, but sometimes Elaine feels like a duplicate. Socially, she operates at a much higher level than George. She’s functional. Still, though, like George she’s challenged by romance, work, and socially appropriate behavior. My favorite storyline for her is the time she worked for J. Peterman. When she wrote catalog copy for the odd items, she followed a plot that could only belong to Elaine.

GEORGE COSTANZA, FOUR

Drama, envy, lies. George swims in the worst traits of whatever his Enneagram number may be. He’s an exaggeration in service to humor, but we still should be able to pinpoint him.

Everything about him screams Heart Type. The envy, which no real life person would exhibit in such detail, defines him. So, Two, Three, or Four?

He’s no Two. He’s not nice enough, frankly. The world is an aggravation to him, not a treasure to unlock.

A Three? He’s an anti-Three, a Bizarro Three, which may, hilariously, be the point. He succeeds at nothing. He’s disliked by almost everyone. He fails so often that he lives in total bitterness. Yet, as a humorous character, he’s adored. He’s a meme king. Is it possible to create an opposite Enneagram? Fascinating.

However, a Four seems most likely. The drama. The highs and lows. George lives at the extremes. The actor works against this. He is not tall and lean, so his real life body doesn’t suggest a Man Four.

I also like George as a Four if Jerry is a Nine. A Nine loves to have a Four around to exhibit all the feelings that a Nine won’t show.

But, man, I’m tempted by that Three call.

JERRY SEINFELD, NINE

Obviously I refer to the character, who may be very similar to the real life Seinfeld, but that is not something we can definitively know. We can discover the Enneagram number of the version of Jerry presented in the TV series, though, so off we go.

He’s incredibly picky, almost phobically so. It’s part of the humor. He’s in the Felix Unger (from “The Odd Couple”) realm of personalities. Jerry’s tidiness initiates or sustains many plotlines.

Wit, clearly. Sharp, quick thinking, and a willingness to say brisk or insulting things if it’s funny.

I’m leaning toward a One so far. But is Jerry a Body Type? Not really. Running a race and winning by cheating is an episode that defines Jerry as non-athletic.

He has a very strange group of friends, particularly Kramer, and yet he is peaceful around them. Their weirdness is comforting to him, I believe. Yes, this is a structure of the humor, but it’s what we have as a tool for judging his Enneagram.

Is this Six-ish? When a Six has decided on something, like who is his friend, he is unwavering afterwards. But is Jerry a Head Type? His comedy and his interests lie more in the social realm. I would guess him to be a Heart Type.

Two, Three, or Four? Not a Two. He’s too fastidious. He’s very successful and life is fairly easy for him. Very Three-like. Although the real life Jerry is not built like a Four, fictional Jerry is very dramatic. And that wit. Tough call.

And yet, after saying all this, I keep coming back to a Nine. It’s the diplomacy angle. The juggling of strange friends, the calm that Jerry mostly carries around, the humor that digs into human foibles. Jerry really doesn’t seem like a Body Type, but something about his social life feels like a Nine. Read the Elaine and George pages for more perspective. They are in his orbit. 

They feel, they fail, in ways that he cannot. It’s the kind of symbiotic relationship in which a Nine thrives.

Burning

7.5″ x 8″ on wallboard.

Hearing laughter in the night, Jane investigates only to find Rochester’s room on fire. The intimacy of the darkness, the mystery, and the danger sparks a romance.

(JANE)
UNQUIET SEA,
WATER WILD.
A SWEET SHORE BECKONS.
THE FRESH’NING GALE
DRIVES ME BACK.
MY FANCY RECKONS.
WHAT JOYFUL BREEZE
TRIUMPHANTLY BLEW
ME FAR FROM THE LAND?
IT WAS YOU.

(ROCHESTER)
I WOKE TO FLAMES,
SCALDING HEAT.
MY WORLD WAS BURNING.
MY SKIN ON FIRE,
HAIR AFLAME,
WITH NO RETURNING.
WHO LIT THE BLAZE
THAT KINDLED ANEW
A MAN HALF ALIVE?
IT WAS YOU.

SHE’S A GENII
IN A BOTTLE
FLOATING SAFE TO SHORE.
PULL THE CORK OUT,
PRAISE HER MAGIC,
WISH FOR SOMETHING MORE.

(JANE)
I’M A PAPER
IN A BOTTLE
ON A STORM-TOSSED SEA.
I AM BOBBING.
I AM DROWNING.
DEAR LORD, RESCUE ME.
BURNING.

Listen at bandcamp.

COSMO KRAMER, TWO

Two. Boom. That’s my first brain blast when I think of Kramer’s idiosyncratic humor. 

Is that really his Enneagram number, though?

It’s his interest in collecting that leads me to a Two. He’s constantly accumulating or rearranging or testing: the bed drawers, the movie hotline, the vegetable shower. He’s very busy and enjoying all of it.

He always has an iron in the fire. This could be Seven-like, but Kramer really doesn’t seem like a Head Type. He’s eclectic, but he’s also just wacky. Planning is not really a thing. He’s spur of the moment, and away he goes.

Also, he’s very Heart Type. His relationship with Newman always has a touch of envy to it.

He’s not a Three. Too rattled and explosive. And although he feels big emotions, he’s not a Four. He’s not self-deprecating enough, and he doesn’t really feel depression. Life is always good.

Kramer is actually a great example of a Man Two. Very charming, and just slightly overwhelming.

MARGE SIMPSON, NINE

Marge is a bit of a mystery. I’m not immediately sure of her Enneagram number.

She’s not ambitious. Her family, their safety and comfort, are enough for her.

She’s lovingly married to a very ineligible man. He definitely married up, and he would be the first to say so.

Her hair is big. I know that’s just an animator’s representation on the one hand, a defining characteristic that makes her easier to draw, but it’s also a comment about her personality. The creator saw Marge as bold, out-of-step, a bit of an iconoclast. Her hair is BIG.

She’s no-nonsense and brave when her chicks are in danger. Marge’s world seems pretty straight forward. Family, safety and comfort. Her wild-child son and her large-brained daughter are of equal worth to her.

She’s a Nine. Peace is everything. Conflict must be avoided. Public displays of outrageous behavior, or extraordinary achievement, or large blue hair are all the same. She really doesn’t care about seeking or avoiding attention, as long as life rides on an even keel. That’s the Nine Woman style. Accept, support, and love.